I am really unhappy at home.

Woke up and got screamed at by my father cuz i flunked a module in sch. i mean like seriously, u dun have to do such thing one lor.

i cant stand it when he brings out stupid things to say, like he said it was ridiculous of me for asking for a car. oh like come on la, i ask you cuz when my elder brother got his license you got him one right?

and for no reason a few weeks ago he shouted at me saying "i will not send you overseas to study no matter what". i mean like, ok i dont even wanna go overseas to study cuz my friends n family are here. i just feel unfair that he said this kinda thing to me. my brother got sent overseas what, and also bought him a car there. i got accepted into Queens, Lanchester and TISCH. but im not going cuz my dad said no.

I KNOW RIGHT.

dont tell me life is fair. life's a bitch when your dad is like that.

many of you think im spoilt. but you have no idea how hard i have been working. i train so hard to achieve, keep getting myself injured training. i dont wanna keep taking extra money from my parents, thats why i went to work. i work 2 jobs, giving tuition to 2 kids and at NUM.

Everyday after school its tuition or training or num. sometimes, its sch-training-tuition. you have no idea how tired it is, and having to be home to complete your assignments.

i just feel that my dad should look through me and try to understand me more, than just think that im a good for nothing brat. seeing my brother n sister getting all these just makes me wonder am i his real son. i know i sound so bad, but what i am mentioning here is just an understatement.

my brother is like his golden child, he gets anything and everything. even i give up asking.

there was once when my brother got this stupid disgusting lying girlfriend and create alot of disputes at home for us. she came to my sch to take the numbers of all my friends (with my sister, i mean like why the fuck is my sister so fucking dumb to be an accomplice is such stupid fucking lame activity) and i quarrelled with her very badly. she even came to church and demanded to see Pastor Kong. i was like, seriously who do you think you are. and after we quarrelled, she broke up with my brother. my brother was damn angry with me that he violently knock down my door and threaten to punch me.

when my dad came home, he hit me with a belt, punched me and held my head with his hands grabbing my hair and threw it towards the wall. my ear went deaf for a few days. all because i quarrelled with that stupid girlfriend of my brother and obviously i won so she used her trump card- breaking up with my brother.

my brother was a dumb fuck at that point of time, my dad is a even bigger dumb fuck to be siding my brother.

the only sane person in the family is my mother. the one who loves all of us equally. she's not very supportive of anything i have to say, but she does things fairly and cares for us alot.

i really love my mother alot. father, well... he just made me hated him. i have to say i always have been just that i try to forgive and forget (well its not possible, im not harry potter). and because of my father i hate my brother too.

we look like one happy family, ya thats because your son here is like a bloody professional actor?

i really dont know what to say/ do anymore. i just feel like moving out.

havent been blogging for a very long time. and pretty much yea, i believe my posts are all abt me whining and bitching and comments on me being damn emo.

well some updates abt myself, im single and available. and its like, come what may (:

i cut down on trainings so i wont lose myself.. more time with my friends, school and work.

i got accepted into NUM on my birthday this year which is like 12th april. been working till now and its been much fun. esp when my home branch is at Wheelock, its really really good for me cuz they are all like family (:

school's boring as usual.. thank god for Jay if not i think ill be skipping sch everyday.

things at home are great! bro got married. sis is doing fine( well she looks like she's fine), dad and mum are still as loving as ever... and both of them have been showering me with lotsa money. lol! <3 them ttm.

have been hanging out alot of Julie.. and ive never felt closer than ever with her.
we've been friends for so super long, and last time she practically lives with me. but now, we're so much closer than before! we practically share a mind together. and i know whatever happens, she'll be there for me and take my side no matter what, right/wrong, she'll be there.

being with Julie makes me think of the past. when i was in church and all... even she could tell i wasnt happy at all. i cant be myself, i cant let myself go.. always have to put on this mask that's changing myself to be a hypocrite. well, we know there are many people like that in church yes? hypocrites and boot lickers. well, sad to say i was one of them.

i remember how my cell group leader picks on me for everything, scolds me, controls me, and totally made my life miserable. many people could tell. i really wonder why i went to church still when they made my teenage years such hell. of course there's no regrets cuz i made the best friends of my life with Sarah, Julie, Seraphina and got closer to my childhood friend JunXiong.

im really happy now. although im single (hahahaha)... i can be who i am with my friends. im happy at home and i have my friends who really supports me for what i do.

i have the freedom and finances. ive never been through a day when i have no money in my wallet to eat till now... and im really thankful for that to my parents and my friends who have been blessing me so much.

looking back, im really happy now(:

Butterflies and True friends. just what is the difference?

Julie, Chik, Sarah, Seraphina and i have been friends for so long. And all of us have changed so much! More mature maybe, more bitchy maybe.. We're once all church-goers but now we're like party stars. Still, we all stick to each other and still as close as ever.

So what if I dont like what they do or how they behave? we accept and appreciate one another true from our hearts.

ive always prayed to God to grand me the serenity to accept things and i cannot change. It is hard, it is something that im not a master yet. but im still trying.

i know im stubborn, but i try to change whenever someone tells me something that i have to change about. but i need time, one doesnt become a ninja overnight.

ive always treated you as my best friend. close enough to me that i introduced you to all my other friends and to my parents. this really means alot because i normally dont do so much.

I share with you the secrets of my life, things that i dont usually tell everyone, cuz of all people i thought u would understand it best. if you dont support me, at least stand by me.

im sorry if you think im too diva and too spoilt to befriend. i really dont like it that you have to tolerate me. this will only bring u away from me more and more.

i hate that my friends leave me, so ill leave first.

heh havent been blogging for 10 dog years.

complicated rs, school, training have been draining my life away. So i need to pamper myself and come out with some resolutions to do so for next year!

1. Collect ALL the Ralph Lauren collection for polo tees (classic + big poney) and long sleeves shirts. (Throughout the year)
2. Go to NYC with the person i love. (September)
3. Get a Ed Hardy bag for school. (Febuary)
4. Get an Agnes B bag for training. (March)
5. Get a LV wallet. (April)
6. Get a pair of Fred Perry shoes and Tiger shoes. (One in Jan another in May)
7. Get a blackberry. ( March)
8. Get my room renovated. (Febuary)
9. Win Gold for competitions. (Throughout the year)
10. Qualify for ASEAN Games.
11. Win Macau International Invitations. (October)

WHEEEEEEEE! CANT WAIT!

okay that means i have to work extra hard too (:

my dad just got an iPhone cuz my sister recommended that phone for him. what was neglected in that recommendation is that my dad isnt a very IT savvy person. he took around 2 years to learn how to use the PC and it must be a SOP thingy, if any problem cooks up, he gets cooked up.

so personally i dont think he suite using an iPhone. Many times he wants me to give him my MacBook or iMac (cuz i had one than one com, fujitsu for sch, macbook for cooking, and imac for leisure). and i told him he doesnt know how to operate the Mac OS as even many teenagers arent very familiar with it as well.

so now with this iPhone, he have to learn how to sync it to his com with itunes. and he dint even know how to do that. i mean, im willing to help but this help will never end cuz we all know that the development of iPhone doesnt just stop here. basically, i will go crazy if he keeps calling every time he runs into an error.

he's current putting my sister on speed dial now bearing the thoughts that my sister is some Mac iPhone expert. and both of them quarrel over the phone cuz he's displeased with my sister's incapability to help solve his problem.

so seriously, how long will he take to learn how to use the iPhone till he stop calling us to solve his most trival problem, eg. looking for a number in the phonebook.

my singtel plan is coming to an end this dec, so i was thinking if he wanna give his iPhone to me while i buy him a more user friendly phone like the nokia n97. of course i can sense the displease with my sister cuz SHE IS OBVIOUSLY WAITING FOR HIM TO GIVE IT TO HER.

so now, i wanna vent my anger for a bit. (sorry if this post is turning into M18)

Throughout my years of adolescence, my dad HAS NEVER EVER FUCKING BOUGHT ME A PHONE BEFORE. i always buy the phone myself using my ang bao money or my salary. On the other hand, my dad bought both my siblings phones. and the phones are the rather pricey ones. when my dad bought himself an O2, my brother managed to brainwash him within a few months and TADA! IT WENT TO HIM.

so it was said that the youngest child gets everything he wants and all that shit. let me tell you people, ITS FUCKING NOT TRUE AT ALL. yeah youngest boy does get the most attention. so when u do something wrong (which in the eyes of most parents, everything you do is wrong) you get scolded the most, get beaten up the most. think about it, you father hit you, your mother hit you, your brother hit you, your sister hit you. and then, the eldest son? whatever he do is right. this is FUCKING ANNOYING.

if my family members do get to read this post, good. cuz i hope they get how it is to live in my shoes.

many Wiseman say that the oldest child is always the one that bears most respondsibility in the family. you know what? i finally agree with them. so, other than my immediate family, if my relatives have anything happening and needs help, DONT FUCKING CALL ME. cuz i will feel guilty saying no, or will i? HA, no i will definitely be happy to reject them.

ever since young, there's only ONE aunt that really displayed love, care and concern for me. really supports everything that i do. the others, my uncle.. haha, despise me like im the most useless person on earth. YEAH IM FUCKING USELESS, SO FUCKING USELESS. i have no goals in life, im waiting to die. im living off my parents, im living like an emperor at home shaking my legs with a butler carrying my balls.

so i hope next time, whenever they need help they wont bother calling me. cuz i wont help. and i most prolly wont even give them my number. uh huh, cuz ill be so poor i cant afford a 3310.

ill take all these shit now cuz in future, im giving all these back to them.

OKAY! i havent blogged in ten years. hahahha! just thought of writing down my plans for the next few years.

SO! Major events for me are as follows!

End of October 09 - Macau Diving International Opens
End of December09 - New Zealand International Opens
Jan/Feb 10 - CNY CNY CNY!!
April 10 - Birthday! Celebration at Meritus Mandarin, BBQ by the Lake and Family Buffet.
April 10 - Year 3 starts!
(okay then throughout the year got many overseas competition blah blah blah)
Jan/Feb 11 - CNY CNY CNY!!!
April 11 - YAY FREAKING GRADUATE LO! (okay hopefully)
May - June 11 - Major shopping spree at Bangkok, KL, HK, NYC (cmon, i need to enjoy life before going in BMT)
July 11 - BMT
Nov/Dec 11 - SEA Games

have you ever thought just maybe, you belong with me.

i know you will never ever read this, and i dont care who sees it. i love you so much... being with you just feels amazing. we get along so well, we know what each other is thinking.

if there's one spark of hope, ill hold it with both hands. why wont you walk through, burst in the door and take me away... no more mistakes...

i know you're with somebody else, he'd better be good to you. if he doesn't, i'll be there. just call my name, and i'll be there.

i just want you to be happy. and hope one day...





....you will come to me and be mine.

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